How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs
I can speak Esperanto like a native
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy
I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine
General: Where are you from?
General: Which part?
Spike: ... Well, all of me.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death
For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected
A family man from Siberia
As a father was very inferior
But one operation
Revised the situation
And now he's Mother Superior
The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree
Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden
(from The Telegraph)
Darauf kannst du Gift nehmen