Conversation: When East met West

{SnOOkiE} are u still there??
{MuffinMan} He was in a Rock Band called "The *** Americans". You can probably find their records in your local record shop. They made many GREAT records about Americans. Their best song was called "Why is my IQ so small?" Another great song was called, "My spelling is shit." Yes I am still here, just a longer sentance to type.
{SnOOkiE} i dont think i wood like this band. it is a stupid name fro a band.
{MuffinMan} Yes it is, but they were writing social commentary, so the songs MEANT something!!
{SnOOkiE} wot is soceal commentery?
{MuffinMan} It doesn’t matter. You are right. You probably wouldn’t like the music. Can I ask you some questions?
{SnOOkiE} Ok, like wot?
{MuffinMan} Are you male or female?
{SnOOkiE} femail. and u?
{MuffinMan} Your name is nice. Where did you get it from?
{SnOOkiE} my mom used to call me it when i was young!
{MuffinMan} Why?
{SnOOkiE} because i used to snook around. so she caled me snookie
{MuffinMan} I understand. That makes sense How old are you?
{SnOOkiE} i’am 17. u
{MuffinMan} You are still young Does your mother still call you snookie?
{SnOOkiE} IM NOT YOUNG!!! I AM 17!!! SHE DOSNT CALL ME SNOOKIE ANYMORE!!!!!
{MuffinMan} Sorry.
{SnOOkiE} why are you sorry?
{MuffinMan} Because I said you are young. Because I am older I said you are young. To me you are still young but I know you are an adult. Where do you live?
{SnOOkiE} Ok. i live OK
{MuffinMan} What? What is OK?
{SnOOkiE} Ok. oklahama. Dint you know that? r you an ***!!!
{MuffinMan} Please don’t call me an ***. Not I am not. I just didn’t know that OK was the abbreviation for Oklahama. Which city do you live in?
{SnOOkiE} tulsa. it is boring!!!!! where do u live?
{MuffinMan} The Czech Republic.
{SnOOkiE} i dont know that. what state is it in???
{MuffinMan} It’s not in any state, it is a country in Europe.
{SnOOkiE} like london??
{MuffinMan} Something like that. But it is not close to the country of London.
{SnOOkiE} where is it then?
{Muffin Man} It’s between Russia and Germany.
{SnOOkiE} mi uncle told me aboot russia. he was fiting against them once time. he said there are commies or something.
{MuffinMan} Your Uncle was fighting against Russia? Wow! He must be very brave. Which war was this in? WWII?
{SnOOkiE} against the vietnam war against the russians. he siad we lost because our politicens werre all hamos and they dint help people like him to kill the gooks.
{MuffinMan} I didn’t know that Russia was in the Vietnam war. You must really know your history! Wow!
{SnOOkiE} yes it was. and vietnam peple as well. hsitory s 1 of my favoirite subjects. why didnt u know? u are russina.
{SnOOkiE} are u still there???
{MuffinMan} I am not Russian, I am Czech. But we are close to Russia. I knew that the Russians were helping the Vietnamese with money and weapons, but I didn’t know that they were fighting there. I am very impressed with your knowledge.
{SnOOkiE} thnx!! history is my bestest subject. my teachers sais that i will do realy well in my final exams. r u a commie?
{MuffinMan} Actually, it’s communist. Yes I am.
{SnOOkiE} mi uncle and my pop says that comminunists are bastads and shold be bomed with nuclear barns.
{MuffinMan} Then I would be dead. I think that would make me very sad because I am a nice person. Do you think I am a nice person?
{SnOOkiE} i dont know u very well. but probaby it wood be sad if you were dead from a born. killing pople is not nice but commies kill people all the time and they are evil.
{MuffinMan} It’s not true. We are very nice people. Just like Americans. Are you really 17 years old?
{SnOOkiE} YES!!! I AM!!! how old r u?
{Muffin Man} I don’t know.
{SnOOkiE} ?? WHY DONT U KNOW??
{MuffinMan} Because in communist countries we don’t have birthdays. No one knows how old they are. I think I am something like 30 in American age.
{SnOOkiE} u dont have birfdays?? that is very sad. i like my b/day. tell me please what your real name is.
{Muffin Man} I have many names, but my name now is Lenin. Next year I must change my name again. I don’t know what I will change it to yet.
{SnOOkiE} ?? why do u change your name??
{MuffinMan} I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
{SnOOkiE} does everone change there name in russia???
{MuffinMan} No, only people like me. But it’s not too bad. It means that I don’t get my ex-wives chasing after me because they can’t find out what my real name is. I like it.
{SnOOkiE} hhow many wifes to you have???
{MuffinMan} So far I have been married 7 times. I am going to get married again soon, but first I must get rid of Olga, my current wife.
{SnOOkiE} why??? do u not like here?
{MuffinMan} I like her very much, but in this country when a woman starts to get older she gets VERY fat. I don’t like fat women. So I will get a new one who is not fat. Are you fat?
{SnOOkiE} NO I AM NOT""’! I AM NOTT FAT!!!! I AM GOING TO BE A MODEL!!!!
{MuffinMan} That’s nice. I like girls that look like models. Maybe you can be my next wife.
{SnOOkiE} NO!!! lM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{MuffinMan} Sorry Snookie, I was joking. Really. I know that you can’t be my next wife because you wouldn’t like it here.
{SnOOkiE} Ok. as long as u were jocking! why woudlnt i like it there in russia?? tell me about russin!
{MuffinMan} Ok, but it will be a long sentance. You will have to wait while I type it, ok?
{SnOOkiE} ok. i will wait.
{MuffinMan} Good, because if you like history, you can tell this to your teacher at school
{SnOOkiE} ok
{MuffinMan} Firstly, I don’t think that you would like it here because we don’t have televisions. Many years ago there was a man named Stalin, and he became president of Russia and the peoples democracies, countries like mine. Anyway, he said that TV was a very bad thing and made it against the law for people to watch it or sell them. Ok, please wait because my screen is full and I want to type more....
{SnOOkiE} u dont have television? r u jocking?
{SnOOkiE} i have heard of stalin.
{SnOOkiE} r u still there??
{MuffinMan} Anyway, we also don’t have cars. This is because the Americans won’t let us buy petrol from places like Texas. And there are no other countries in the world that can make petrol. In many ways this is good, because we don’t get so fat as we have to walk everywhere. So I think you wouldn’t like it here.
{SnOOkiE} america isnt the only cuntry that makes petrol. my uncle was in the war of the gulf which was a war about petrol!!!!!!!! america won thw war!!!!!
{MuffinMan} I’m very impressed! You really do know your history. But did you know that Kuwait (the country that makes petrol) is now an American state? This means that Americans own this petrol and they won’t sell it to communists.
{SnOOkiE} of course i knew!!!!!!! thnks. i like hsitory
{SnOOkiE} do u have computers?
{MuffinMan} No, we don’t have computers here, except for the government.
{SnOOkiE} if u dont have computores then how r u writing to me??
{MuffinMan} I work for the government.
{SnOOkiE} LIEK A SPY? R U A SPY!!!
{MuffinMan} Snookie, I can’t tell you that. If I tell you and you tell someone else then I will be in trouble.
{SnOOkiE} i wont tell anyone else. tell me please!!!
{MuffinMan} You have to promise me. If I tell you and someone finds out, I will be shot in the head. I have been shot in the head before and I don’t like it. It hurts!
{SnOOkiE} you havent been SHOT IN THE HEAD!!! If U WERE SHot IN THE HEAD U WOOD BE DEAD!!!! Dont JOKE me!!!!
{MuffinMan} Snookie, I really have been shot in the head. Promise. But it missed my brain and how I have a metal plate in my head.
{SnOOkiE} COOL! r u a spy?
{MuffinMan} Yes, I work for the KGB. PLEASE don’t tell anybody.
{SnOOkiE} I promise. i wont even tell my uncle, he wood probably be angry for talking me to an commie anyway. is it cool being a spy? have u killed many people?
{MuffinMan} It’s very nice being a spy. It means that I can eat meat sometimes. Most people in communist countries can’t eat meat, only bread.
{SnOOkiE} cool. did u kill people??
{MuffinMan} I have only killed two people. But it’s not nice. I had to kill my father because he was giving secrets to the Americans.
{SnOOkiE} thats horrible!!!!!!!! i LOVE MY FATHER!!!!
{MuffinMan} Oh my god, someone has come in the room!!
{SnOOkiE} who has cum in the room??
{SnOOkiE} r u still there???
{SnOOkiE} hello??
{SnOOkiE} i will go now. bye bye
{MuffinMan} WHO IS ZIS??
{SnOOkiE} u r back. where did u go?
{MuffinMan} WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS ZIS?
{SnOOkiE} who r u?? where is the person from before??
{MuffinMan} HE IS GONE. WE WILL QUESTION HIM. WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
{SnOOkiE} i have to GO!!!!!!!!
{MuffinMan} WHAT DID HE TELL YOU? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? ARE YOU A SPY AS WELL?
{SnOOkiE} NO!!!!!!! im NOT a SPY!!!! i must go!!!!
{MuffinMan} WE WILL FIND YOU! TELL US!
{SnOOkiE} u WONT FIND mE!!! im going
{MuffinMan} YOU ARE AMERICAN FROM ZE STATE OF OKLAHOMA.
{SnOOkiE} how do u knwo?? NO IM NOT!!!!
{MuffinMan} WE HAZ VERY BEST TECHNOLOGY AND NOW I KNOW YOU ARE FROM TULSA. WE MUST SPEAK TO YOU!
{SnOOkiE} GO AWAY!!!!! I HAve NOT DONE ANYTNG!!!! I AM tURNIGN MT COMPUTER OFF!!!!!!!!!